Unenforceable Rules: A Leadership Perspective on Managing Workplace Expectations
Have you ever felt frustrated when your vision wasn’t executed as expected? Or perhaps you expect your team to operate with the same urgency and precision as you do, but they just don’t?
These moments of disappointment often stem from what Fred Luskin calls unenforceable rules—expectations we hold about how people and situations should be, but we ultimately can’t control.
Unenforceable rules are internal, often unspoken expectations about how individuals should behave, how business outcomes should unfold, or how organizational culture should operate, can create significant frustration when reality deviates from these internal standards.
As a leader, it's natural to have high standards or expectations for your team. However, unenforceable rules—such as believing that every employee must meet your exacting standards or that business processes should always run smoothly—can lead to stress and dissatisfaction when these expectations aren't met.
Leaders who thrive on planning, control, and results can benefit from recognizing and releasing these unenforceable rules.
By focusing on what is within your control: clear communication, structured processes, and setting realistic expectations—you can create an environment where continuous improvement is possible without the burden of unrealistic ideals.
This approach doesn't mean compromising on excellence. Instead, it encourages leaders to build resilient teams, foster accountability, and achieve sustainable success.
What expectations are you holding onto that may be outside your control?
Steps for Reflecting on an Unenforceable Expectation:
Choose One Expectation: Focus on something that is causing you stress.
Assess Control: Ask if this situation or expectation is within your control or relies on others.
Identify Triggers: Reflect on when this expectation wasn't met and how it affected you.
Evaluate Consequences: Consider how holding onto it impacts your leadership and team.
Connect to a Larger Goal: Anchor your reflection in your overarching leadership vision or organizational purpose. Ask yourself, “How does releasing this expectation serve the bigger picture?”
Adjust Mindset: Reframe the expectation into something actionable and realistic.
Plan Flexibility: Develop a plan to adapt if this expectation is unmet.
Review Regularly: Revisit this expectation periodically to refine your approach.
“Place the old story in the ‘rear-view mirror’ and start looking through the ‘windshield.’”
Moving Forward After Reflection
One notable story from Fred Luskin’s work involves a senior manager who felt intense frustration due to an unenforceable rule: the belief that employees should always meet deadlines without exception. After working through Luskin’s forgiveness framework, the manager recognized this belief was creating unnecessary stress and strained relationships for himself and his team.
By reframing the expectation, focusing on clear communication and realistic deadlines, and forgiving past lapses, the manager built a more supportive and productive team environment.
This example highlights how reflecting on unenforceable rules and choosing a new narrative can lead to improved leadership and results. Once you've reflected and placed the old story in the 'rear-view mirror' to start looking through the 'windshield,' as Fred Luskin suggests, take intentional steps to craft your new narrative:
Acknowledge the Past: Recognize the story you’ve been telling yourself and its impact.
Clarify Your Vision: Define the leadership values and goals that will guide your new narrative.
Rewrite the Story: Choose new language to describe your journey.
Take Ownership: Accept responsibility for your actions and mindset moving forward.
Practice Forgiveness: Let go of resentment focusing on progress over perfection.
Communicate Authentically: Share your new perspective with your team.
Resources to Facilitate Change
Fred Luskin's research highlights resources such as mindfulness practices, meditation, journaling, and therapy to help shift mindsets and build resilience.
Incorporating these tools can support leaders in letting go of unenforceable rules and crafting new narratives.
Tandem's executive coaching and advising services offer personalized guidance to help leaders identify their unenforceable rules, navigate change, and develop effective leadership strategies.
